PEEPS are not Kosher!!!


How horrified I stood in RiteAid turning that box over and over looking for the Hechsher... It was not there! Give me a break...Peeps are about Easter, Easter is about Jesus, Jesus was a Jew...PEEPS SHOULD BE KOSHER! 


Just the little granules of sugar rolling around and the squishy peeps under the cellophane. Teasing me. The devil in marshmallow form.


The bliss of crunching through that granulated sugary shell, it almost hurts your teeth! The chew of the marshmallow. Your pancreas goes into overdrive, pumping out insulin to equalize the sweetness...you chew more, brain getting higher and higher from endorphins. Their is no stopping you now...you eat one peep after another, decimating their little cardboard home as you go.


AH! So good. A spring time ritual.


Gone, all gone because the bright yellow color might have some nasty non-kosher ingredient in it. My guess is it is the marshmallow though, probably from a gelatin base which gets too ugly for me to write here...it's really quite nauseating.


My keeping kosher  has impinged upon my junk food habits. (DORITO'S!!)..which needed some reigning in anyway. But like the belligerent child we all harbor inside of ourselves, I stamp my foot and threw a fit (It was quiet, no one but my husband heard my  rant) and then I put the Peeps back on the shelf. I keep Kosher now. 


I keep Kosher, so I made a commitment to eat kosher food. It's learning curve as I check bags for the "Kosher OK". Gleefully I find most of the things I use  are already Kosher, no biggie. But every once in a while, a Peep will pop up and test my willpower.


PS..don't feel too sorry for me. I left the store with a bag of Robin Egg Candy that I ate in 1/2 hour. Yes, I feel sick.

Walking In Two Worlds

Now I have noticed that dignity is something  we strive for, especially if you are a women in the Jewish Community. "The Jewish Community" I am speaking about is the relatively observant community. The word I am grasping for and want to share with you is powerful...  "Tzinius". It means modesty. 


Modesty brings to mind women who are 30 and look 40...who dress traditionally and, it seems, blend into the walls and floors. To become the very fabric of the household...but not in a glorious singing voice. No. In a way that creaks the floor boards. They are the  worn spots of carpeting on the stairs, they are the grout peeling from the tub.


My dear friends,  this is not true!!! The above picture I have painted is an easy easy, way to say that you are being lazy and not hearing looking and feeling what is going on around you.  These women may indeed look different from you and me but they are a frisson of energy and passion. Extremely bright pulsating lights. I have seen more entrepreneurship in this community than I have seen in 'the real world". Funny, college teaches you the "get up and go" spirit is the American way. I think in this religious community I associate with, that spirit is taught from the cradle. 


There seems to be an inherent desire to find your life's passion and somehow, someway, pursue this in step with your relationship with G-d.  I get that! Thus far, I have met some very cool  women... accountants (mutants!),  a gazillion teachers, printers, Doctors, dolphin trainers , make up artists, another gazillion store owners, bakers,  landscapers and about 3 gazillion professional mothers.  As in any great cultural icon, the children is where the heart lies. 

Johnny Cash "gets me"...

Remember the Johnny Cash song "I Walk The Line" ? So I am really thinking of pouring a Jack Daniels and kicking back to Country. So American, so apple pie, so white picket fence. Walking the line between Norman Rockwell and the Torah. Sometimes I see myself disappearing into the black skirts and though I really dig the black skirts swishing around my legs, I do not dig the box from which they emerge.  And I don't care that it is a multi colored skirt...better, but it still is from a closet in which I can find it hard to get fresh air.


What happens when you are with people that are all alike? That carry the same values? That read the same sort of books and follow the same authority figure? Of course, they tend to merge into a monolithic group.  The challenge to thought diminishes. BUT, BUT, BUT, all of the sudden you see the POP of color and spirituality and dynamism. That, my dear friends, is what I am going to capture. 


Ok, back to Norm and white picket fences: Did you know that my "black hatted" friends don't celebrate Thanksgiving? What's with that?! That offended me. I see taking a pass on Saint Valentine's Day and Halloween.... but Thanksgiving??  I am so incredibly proud  to be able to assimilate into Americanism. (I am not even venturing into the world of political correctness and Native Americans. Please, there is just so many banners I can carry) This does not mean I give up being a Jew. But I am making mashed potatoes, turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. I will used that crazy chemical faux dairy stuff for my pie, but I am eating Thanksgiving dinner, sipping my Jack and watching football. 

A Guide to Jew-Stuff for Non-Jew's


Broken toes = bokar tov= good morning in Hebrew
Chow Mein= Amen= "I agree" at the end of a prayer
Mourner's Codfish, Half Codfish, Rabbi's Codfish, etc... = whatever KADDISH you are saying at that moment= prayer said to affirm life, designate a new prayer in the service
Tze Tze Fly= a string of the tzitzit accidentally coming out of a man's fly (yup, I've seen it)
Goygle = a bagel in a horrific fruit flavor (blueberry!) with strawberry cream cheese. Please
Guilty Fish = gefillte fish but you feel guilty not eating it b/c it looks like no fish you have ever seen in your life
Goy-Toy = Your non-Jewish mate
GoyAnnoy = Your non-Jewish mate bugging you for minor stupid things. Ex: "do we have milk?" while looking in the fridge. The reason this is not a "ManAnnoy" is b/c what Jewish house would run out of milk? a STAPLE, no less!


I highly suggest you know your audience before you use these fractured phrases. Some people are just not as funny as we are. 

Today is a Friday..the day to get ready for Shabbos. I made a beautiful Pareve chicken potpie. In case you don't know, this means I did not use cream and butter to make a white sauce for the potpie (no mixing dairy and meat together) I used non-dairy creamer and margarine to make a roux, or rather a faux roux . It nearly killed me. I can't even pronounce the chemicals in the non-dairy creamer, which leads me to think about the wisdom of  this whole thing. Anyway, the roux morphed into a white sauce, veggies were cooked and the turkey diced. Add faux roux and  a ready made pie crust ... VOILA! It looks good.


The wisdom of converting: My beloved is thinking about converting to Judaism. At first I was touched and overjoyed Seems to me that joining The Club has been highly over rated. There is a higher standard of behavior for a convert than one who has the Blessing or Curse to be born Jewish.  (To quote Monk "It's a blessing AND a curse") I know that every one of the people on the Bima (the pulpit area) has their car keys in their pockets, ready to drive home after services. For you non-Jew's this is a big no-no in the Orthodox world. See, you are not supposed to "work" on the Sabbath.... which has tumbled into a myriad of "no-no" activities. Now if Dave was to be Club Member he would have to make the promise not to drive. Actually, he would be promising to observe all of the no- no activities.  Here is a partial list of "no-no's": driving, cooking, using the phone, sewing, watching TV, using the computer, using the Ipod ...  
Plus the added commandments of keeping Kosher, saying the daily prayer's and  a spiderweb of minutia, all designed to enhance our spirituality.  <sigh> It is overwhelming. It is unwieldy. One can lose there very heart in this maze. 


Now let's overlay all of the above with the community  standards. The Community Standards. Are you desiring to belong to the Modern Orthodox, Zionist's? Black Hatter's  (sort of Alice In Wonderland), crochet kippah's, black kippah's..... and this list does not include all the flavors of Judaism not associated with Orthodoxy.


There are times I want to be Jewish  hermit. I am told there is no such thing. So, tonight I will go, have a tribal meeting and  continue to carve out that path.

A visit from "The Rabbi" ...

February 1st, 2012

I was so fascinated by Rabbi Porter's hands. As he deconstructed our dishwasher to show us the accumulated gook (lovely), I kept looking at his hands. Surgeon's hands, or maybe a pianist.  He had no issues with lightening striking him as he ran his hands over our years of trief (unkosher) burnt-on, glommed on grime. And then he washed his hands (quickly too, not like he was removing toxic waste) and that was that.

So, I realized that trief is where we are and Kosher is where we want to be and not to be so dramatic about the whole thing. If you make a mistake you put the dish in the "Box 'O Mistakes" and move on. Dishes to be rekashured later.

Good news! We can keep mostly everything we have and can have it Kashured. There are laws about this sort of thing. So when I hear "law" I think in terms of black and white. You are in or out. Right or wrong. My epiphany last night was this: These laws are about awareness. To elevate our thinking and hearts. So if I am aware and eating purposefully, thanking G-d for this food (which many people in this Country and world do not have), is it reasonable to be less stringent with me than it is for someone who was born and bred into generations of Kashrus ? I suspect they take that for granted...What elevates their thinking ?  Lest you think that this was my first epiphany about this sort of thing, let me tell you this:  I always come back to this conclusion. I rethink it...I struggle with it. I think it is really mumbo-jumbo dancing around a fire waving magic into my kitchen. <sigh> But, my heart says, try this on for size...see if this fits.

I am quite the human being. Given a choice between sugar and broccoli, I'm going for the chocolate. Given the choice between standing on the street and eating a hotdog from the vendor as I wait for the game to start or purposely preparing and thinking about nourishing my body? Guess what... I'm opting for ease of use and satiating my immediate hunger. This Kosher business (and more about my thoughts on the "business" end of things later) requires me, nudges me, nags me, pulls me along to a thinking process.
Oh us crazy Jews!  Always opting  for the long drawn out thinking process. Not for the lazy.

So we are starting to take the new things we have bought already and not used to the Mikveh.  A sort of dunking process that instills the Holy intent of keeping Kosher. It's kind of cool, except for the part that Dave, being that non-Jew that he is right now, can't do the dunking. But I bet he can do the carrying and schlepping!!  So, I will contact my favorite store-keeper and just-so-happens-to-have-a-mikve-in-his-store-for the-dishes-he-sells guy, Joseph, and figure this thing out. BTW, Joe is of Iranian decent and he is a whole story in himself. Lovely man, and I am looking forward to his insight and  demeanor as we make our dishes fit for use.

January 30th, 2012

So onward in our Jewish Journey and tonight Rabbi Porter comes over to tell us what and what cannot be Kashered in our house. I am dreading this visit. I tend to pick up a bowl or pie plate and feel my Gramma and Dad in those utensils. I remembered quite well when my Dad  used that milky green bowl, the one with the divet in the bottom that makes it impossible to  get a "good mix", to dredge rabbit through it and fry it up quick, or mixing Hammentashen dough. Oh yes, a varied and blessed background!

And that "hochfleischer" my great Gramma Rosie used to hock and chop  G-d knows what. Whatever she cleavered turned out awfully good. What about my mom-in-law's dishes?? She welcomed me into her home with food on those dishes. 

Damn. Some of this feels awfully silly and yet.... yet... I get it that if I drag my mind along, my heart tends to follow. It is only when I am in it and gut it out a bit, can I tell if it is a proper fit. This is not ideal when it comes to Kashering your home.

Oh yeah, did I mention my beautiful daughter's? Patty is my beyond the stars and moon lucky gift of a step-daughter. She is Christian. You would think this presents problem. So far, so very good. I have no way of knowing what she does not say...so I am trusting in what she is saying. I look at her and feel... encouraged to be what I was meant to be.  Becca, my 20 yr old heart tugging flying with exuberant laden wings. She has the Neshamah of a very old Jew in there somewhere, but is wrapped up in a 21st century mind and body. She is the earth itself and has the best bullshit detector I have seen.  And then there is Ellie. A constant stream of water flowing over rocks and pebbles and meandering beautifully with a razor sharp mind ... she will cure cancer on a mountain top while dressed in vintage lace. 

OH! Did I mention my husband? He is a quirky sort of guy. A quiet until -he- is -not, sort of man. A presence. He is strikingly good looking though he thinks he is not. He is beyond reasonable, beyond intelligent. He is kind. He is stubborn. He makes me soar while grounding me. Both are gifts, both are a responsibility. He is sloppy and collects thins he thinks he can use or fix. He is thinking seriously about converting to Judaism. SOooooo, he taught himself Hebrew in 4 to 6 weeks.  Get it? 

Tonight, we open the intense personalized private recipes and mixing bowls, the pans that held my first challah. The pie plates that held crusts lovingly made with lard.  if you expect me to say that bacon is not good or pie crusts made with lard are disgusting and my mouth doesn't  water, you are wrong. I am just one person, joined with another, trying on for size some very ancient beautiful practices.

We would like to see if this links us to this community. We want to feel mindful of the gift of food in a uniquely Jewish way. My great Gramma did this. My Gramma rejected it. My mother is angry at it. And, us? We are just people.